Abuse vs Cruelty in Long-Term Patterns
When abuse spans years or decades, it moves beyond episodic harm and into entrenched cruelty.
Cruelty is not a loss of control.
Cruelty is sustained indifference to another person’s suffering.
In long-term abuse, cruelty becomes:
- Normalised (the abuser no longer registers harm as harm)
- Routinised (the behaviour is repeated without remorse)
- Instrumental (pain is used deliberately to maintain dominance)
This is why it feels built in.
Is it “DNA”?
Not in a literal genetic sense — but structurally, yes, it becomes part of the person’s psychological architecture.
Psychology would describe this as:
- Enduring personality traits, not situational behaviour
- Characterological abuse, not reactive abuse
- Stable patterns of entitlement, dominance, and lack of empathy
Over decades, these patterns are:
- Reinforced by getting away with it
- Protected by denial, family collusion, or social status
- Integrated into identity (“this is just how I am”)
At that point, abuse is no longer something they do under pressure —
it is something they are willing to be.
Key Clinical Distinction
- One-off harmful acts → behaviour
- Repeated abuse over decades → character pathology
Long-term cruelty reflects:
- Moral disengagement (harm is justified or minimised)
- Dehumanisation of the victim
- Absence of corrective guilt
This is why appeals to empathy, explanations, or patience do not work.
Bottom Line (Clear and Uncomfortable)
Decades-long abuse is not a mistake.
It is not a misunderstanding.
It is not unresolved trauma leaking out.
It is chosen conduct, repeatedly reinforced, until it becomes indistinguishable from character.
And that is why distance, boundaries, and protection — not understanding — are the appropriate responses.
