Will it ever end?
Sometimes I wonder if the drawn-out nature of it all is exactly the point — because prolonged conflict, tension, and suffering are familiar territory for some people. It’s what they know. It’s what they grew up in. Peace would feel foreign. Happiness wouldn’t know where to land.

For a long time, I thought the endurance meant something about me.
That if I just searched harder, healed more, prayed more, learned more — eventually it would make sense.

So I did the work.
Decades of soul searching.
Religion.
Reiki.
Psychology.
Learning.
Unlearning.
Healing layers I didn’t even know had names.

And slowly, something shifted.

It’s only when you step back — from a healed, trauma-informed perspective — that you can finally see clearly.
Not through hope.
Not through fear.
But through truth.

You see what the relationship actually was.
You see the patterns.
You see that the chaos wasn’t accidental — and that the pain was never a reflection of your worth.

Most importantly, you realise this:
It was never me.

And now, instead of blaming myself for staying so long, I choose something different.
I forgive myself.
For surviving the only way I knew how.
For loving with sincerity.
For staying until clarity arrived.

Healing doesn’t rewrite the past — but it does reclaim the narrative.
And this one ends with self-compassion, not shame.

— Linda Carol