here’s a step-by-step checklist to assess an abuser safely:
Abuser Assessment Checklist
1. Control and Isolation
- Tries to control where you go or who you see
- Monitors your phone, social media, or emails
- Tries to cut you off from friends, family, or support
2. Emotional Abuse
- Belittles, insults, or mocks you
- Uses guilt or shame to manipulate you
- Denies or minimizes your feelings (gaslighting)
3. Physical or Sexual Abuse
- Threatens, hits, or pushes you
- Uses sexual coercion or manipulation
- Has a history of violent behaviour
4. Financial Abuse
- Controls your access to money
- Prevents you from working or earning income
- Steals or misuses your funds
5. Accountability
- Refuses to take responsibility for actions
- Blames others for problems or conflicts
- Promises to change but repeats behaviour
6. Pattern and Escalation
- Behaviours are recurring or escalating
- Apologies are short-lived and followed by repeat abuse
- You feel walking on eggshells around them
7. Impact on You
- Feelings of fear, anxiety, or dread
- Erosion of self-esteem or confidence
- Loss of independence or personal freedom
Safety Tips:
- Do not confront without a safety plan.
- Document abuse safely if possible.
- Keep a list of emergency contacts and local support services.
- Trust your instincts—if something feels wrong, it probably is.
