From a trauma-informed perspective, this statement is often misunderstood.
It is not always rejection.
It is not necessarily avoidance.
And it is rarely said lightly.
When someone expresses a preference to be alone, it may reflect a nervous system that has learned that connection no longer feels safe, predictable, or reparative.
Chronic emotional stress, invalidation, or unmet relational needs can push the nervous system into a protective state. In this state, solitude is not about independence—it is about regulation.
Being alone can feel calmer than being misunderstood.
Distance can feel safer than repeated disappointment.
Silence can feel less threatening than explaining the same need again.
Trauma-informed care teaches us this:
- Listen without arguing
- Don’t reframe it as a challenge to fix
- Don’t personalise it as rejection
- Don’t push for closeness before safety is restored
Respecting someone’s stated need for space is not abandonment.
It is attunement.
And often, being truly heard in that moment matters more than being persuaded to stay.
