Some people genuinely do not register the harm they inflict on others.
Not because the harm is small — but because their brain is organised around themselves.
This is not your imagination.
There is a well-documented psychological and neurological basis for this.
The Neuroscience
When someone is highly ego-centred, their brain activity is skewed toward:
- Self-referential processing (medial prefrontal cortex)
- Reward and status regulation (dopamine systems)
- Threat avoidance for the self, not others (amygdala bias)
What’s under-developed or under-used is:
- Empathic resonance
- Perspective-taking
- Emotional accountability
In simple terms:
Their brain asks “How does this affect me?” — not “How does this affect you?”
So when you are hurt:
- Your nervous system registers danger
- Your stress hormones rise
- Your body carries the impact
But their nervous system stays largely untouched.
They do not feel the echo of what they’ve done.
The Psychology
Psychology calls this egocentric blindness.
People like this:
- Assume their intentions matter more than the outcome
- Interpret feedback as criticism or attack
- Minimise harm because acknowledging it threatens their self-image
- Confuse confidence with correctness
- Believe impact only counts if they feel it
They are often deeply invested in seeing themselves as:
- Important
- Good
- Right
- Untouchable
Admitting the damage they caused would require:
- Humility
- Emotional maturity
- Responsibility
So instead, their mind protects their ego.
Why This Hurts You So Deeply
Your nervous system is relational.
That means:
- You register tone, absence, dismissal, inconsistency
- You feel the gap between words and actions
- You carry emotional consequences even when nothing was “said”
When someone remains oblivious, it creates a unique injury:
- You are harmed and
- The harm is denied and
- You are left holding the emotional weight alone
This leads to self-doubt:
“Maybe I’m overreacting.”
“Maybe it’s
