It sounds irrational — why would anyone risk prison, exposure, or destruction of everything they have?
But in the mind of someone trapped in deep shame and trauma, punishment can feel safer than vulnerability.

When people carry unresolved childhood wounds or personality disorders, their sense of self is often built on pain, guilt, and fear of rejection.
Underneath the surface, the brain’s default mode network — the system that constructs our self-image — becomes wired around these emotions.

So when they feel powerless, abandoned, or exposed, the brain floods them with shame — one of the most unbearable human emotions.
Shame says: “You are bad. You are unworthy.”

For a healthy brain, that emotion triggers reflection and repair.
But for a traumatized or disordered brain, shame feels like annihilation.
Instead of processing it, the nervous system flips into defense mode — rage, blame, control, or self-destruction.

Neuroscientists call this a self-sabotaging defense.
The person projects their inner pain outward — breaking rules, lashing out, or creating chaos — because chaos feels familiar.
Punishment, rejection, or even imprisonment becomes a twisted way to restore a sense of control.

It’s not that they want to be punished.
It’s that punishment feels predictable — and for a nervous system shaped by trauma, predictability feels safer than the raw exposure of shame.

💡 Healing begins when the person learns to tolerate shame and vulnerability without acting it out.
That requires therapy, accountability, and the slow rebuilding of a nervous system that’s forgotten what safety feels like.