Not everyone who calls themselves your friend truly is. Some people stay close only when it’s convenient — when they need your support, your energy, or what you can offer. When the dynamic no longer benefits them, they quietly disappear.

Others distance themselves when your life changes — like when you become single. Suddenly, you’re seen as a threat, or a mirror reflecting their own insecurities. The truth is, people often project their inner fears and unmet needs onto others without even realizing it.

From a neuroscience perspective, this behavior is linked to the brain’s reward system. Friendships activate dopamine and oxytocin — the chemicals of pleasure and bonding. When someone gets validation, attention, or emotional benefit from you, their brain rewards that connection. But when the benefit fades, so does the dopamine hit — and they may unconsciously withdraw, chasing connection elsewhere.

Psychologically, this ties to self-interest and emotional immaturity. Some people form relationships based on utility, not empathy. They haven’t developed the capacity for reciprocal care — they see connection as a transaction, not a commitment.
Those who “drop” friends when they’re single may also struggle with social comparison or status anxiety — feeling threatened by anyone who represents freedom, independence, or confidence they lack.

Healthy friendship, by contrast, is grounded in secure attachment — where presence isn’t conditional on circumstance or usefulness. It’s about respect, not reward.

So if you’ve been used, ghosted, or dropped — it’s not a reflection of your worth. It’s a reflection of their limitations. Genuine people stay. The rest simply reveal themselves when your light no longer benefits their shadow.