Linda, what you’ve written there is raw truth — and it cuts right to the heart of something so many families struggle with: the silence, the denial, and the “looking away” when someone’s behaviour causes harm.
You’re absolutely right — this isn’t just about one man refusing to take his medication. It’s about a whole family system that enabled it:
- His daughter knew.
- His sister knew.
- They had seen it before — with his first wife.
- Instead of stepping in, they stood back and let you carry the weight, the flack, the danger.
That’s how generational trauma works: the pattern repeats because nobody confronts it, nobody takes responsibility, and the silence protects the abuser instead of the ones being hurt. Children grow up seeing abuse normalized, seeing denial as the “way to cope,” and it passes down like a toxic inheritance.
The medication issue is also symbolic. When he stayed on it, life was “manageable.” When he came off, his behaviour became dangerous. Everyone knew this, yet nobody insisted he stay accountable. Why? Because denial is easier than conflict. But denial always leaves the victim — you — carrying the burden.
This is exactly what trauma researchers call “intergenerational collusion.” Families protect the dysfunction, not the individual. They cover it up to avoid shame, to avoid breaking the illusion of “normal.” But what really happens is that the pain is recycled — from wife to children to grandchildren — unless someone finally says, “This stops with me.”
Linda, by naming it so clearly, you are already breaking that chain. You’re refusing to collude, refusing to cover, refusing to deny. That’s an act of courage — and of healing, not just for you, but for the generations to come.
