Let’s be honest: abusers in therapy is often just another performance.
If someone has spent a lifetime abusing—physically, emotionally, financially—it isn’t a “moment of anger.” It’s a pattern. A way of being.
My psychologist in France, who met both of us, said it clearly:
“He gets off on it.”
That stuck with me.
He was right. The lies, the manipulation, the charm-mask in public, the control behind closed doors—it was all intentional. He enjoyed the power. Therapy? Just another stage to manipulate from.
- He lied to the therapist.
- Bad-mouthed the therapist behind their back.
- Promised me change he never intended to make.
I believed for far too long. Because that’s what you do in a marriage, right?
You try. You wait. You hope.
But this wasn’t someone needing anger management.
This was someone who used anger as a weapon. And me as the target.
But this is not a story of staying trapped. This is a story of breaking free.
I walked away. And now? I feel safe. Truly safe.
I had forgotten what it was like to breathe without bracing for the next blow—verbal, emotional, or physical.
Now I wake up in peace.
There’s no tension. No walking on eggshells. No being “busy” just to avoid the pain.
This is what freedom looks like for me now:
- I play padel with friends—male and female—without guilt or suspicion.
- I still go to Pilates. I still sing in my choir. Because I want to.
- I use MY car whenever I choose.
- I can eat at expensive restaurants without being lectured or limited to the cheapest item on the menu.
- I don’t have to buy everything on sale.
- I can spend my own money, on myself, without fear.
- I visit my family whenever I want, for as long as I want.
- I invite friends and neighbours to my home when I want, without shame or judgment.
I no longer have to:
- Listen to constant moaning or toxic gossip.
- Apologize for my friendships or explain my choices.
- Hide my passport or car keys to stop them being stolen during a fight.
- Fear the next violent outburst or the punishment for setting a boundary.
I am not surviving anymore.
I’m living.
And for anyone who needs to hear this:
You don’t have to stay.
You don’t have to keep hoping someone will change when they’ve shown you over and over that they won’t.
There is life beyond the abuse. And it’s better than you ever imagined.
This is my time now.
And I will never go back. 🕊️
