I was once told in writing by another woman — “If you can’t put up with it, maybe it’s time to move on.”
Said casually. Dismissively. As if enduring domestic abuse, financial control, and emotional manipulation is just part of being a woman in a relationship.
Let’s be clear:
No one — man or woman — should ever have to ‘put up with’ abuse.
Not physical.
Not emotional.
Not financial.
Not psychological.
💡Sharing Is Caring — Silence Allows Violence
In many cultures and communities, women are taught to stay quiet. To “keep the peace.” To protect the family name. To be resilient. But there’s a huge difference between being resilient and being repeatedly harmed while calling it love.
When we’re silent about abuse, we don’t protect anyone — we only protect the abuser.
That’s why I’ve chosen to speak up. Not to shame, not to attack, but to raise awareness.
I’m now sharing my story with local women’s groups across the region, building spaces where we talk about the red flags, the warning signs, the manipulation tactics, and — perhaps most dangerously — the family collusion that often keeps victims trapped.
🧠 The Psychology of Collusion and Control
One of the most devastating aspects of abuse is when families enable it. When mothers, sisters, daughters, or cousins defend the abuser. When they silence the victim, dismiss their pain, or even mock them for standing up for themselves.
Psychologically, this is known as collusive abuse — a form of gaslighting where the entire ecosystem around the abuser is conditioned to protect them and question the victim. It’s driven by fear, denial, shame, and often, financial interest.
This compounds the trauma because the victim doesn’t just lose a partner — they lose a community, a sense of safety, and often their sanity.
🧠 Neuroscience: The Brain on Abuse
Abuse doesn’t just hurt our hearts — it changes our brain.
- Chronic emotional and psychological abuse overstimulates the amygdala (the brain’s fear center), making us hyper-vigilant, anxious, and unable to relax.
- It suppresses the prefrontal cortex, which governs rational thinking, planning, and decision-making — making it harder to “just leave” or “move on.”
- Long-term abuse can even shrink the hippocampus, affecting memory and emotional regulation.
This is not weakness. This is neuroscience.
And this is why survivors need support, not judgment.
✊ Rising Together
If you’re in a similar situation, or know someone who is, please hear this:
💬 “Putting up with it” is not strength.
💬 “Staying silent” is not noble.
💬 “Moving on” isn’t a switch you can flick.
What is strength?
Speaking up.
Reaching out.
Saying, “this isn’t okay,” and backing that with action — no matter how small the first step.
Sharing our stories with each other in safe, trauma-informed spaces is how we begin to heal. And more importantly, it’s how we help others see they’re not alone.
🧡 Silence Allows Violence — But Sharing Saves Lives
Let’s continue creating communities where we speak openly about:
- What emotional abuse really looks like
- How financial control isolates and weakens
- The danger of family collusion
- The neuroscience of trauma
- The long, brave road to recovery
When one woman speaks, ten more find the courage to.
When we share, we create a safety net for others.
And when we choose not to “put up with it,” we reclaim our power — and our peace.
#SilenceAllowsViolence #SharingIsCaring #DomesticAbuseAwareness #PsychologicalAbuse #NeuroscienceOfTrauma #StandTogether #WomensVoices #EmotionalAbuseRecovery #YouAreNotAlone
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
