“Some people are their own worst enemy when it comes to telling the truth.”
This quiet, devastating truth echoes through courtrooms, therapy rooms, and fractured families every day.
Whether you’re the one trying to heal from someone else’s lies or someone grappling with the consequences of your own dishonesty, there’s one thing we all know deep down:
The truth always finds its way out.
But often, not before damage is done — to relationships, to credibility, and most painfully, to the soul.
Let’s take a closer look at why some people sabotage themselves with lies, what it costs them, and how honesty — however painful — can become a tool for healing, not destruction.
🧠Why Do People Lie, Even When It Hurts Them?
Not all lies come from malice. Many come from fear. From shame. From deep emotional wounds and conditioned survival strategies.
Here are a few common reasons:
1. Shame Is Louder Than Logic
Sometimes, people aren’t protecting themselves from others — they’re protecting themselves from themselves.
The truth might expose something they aren’t ready to face: a mistake, a betrayal, or a part of themselves they don’t like. So they lie, hoping to preserve some shred of self-worth. But ironically, each lie chips away at it further.
2. They Grew Up in Survival Mode
If someone grew up in a home where honesty led to punishment, blame, or emotional abandonment, they may have learned to bend the truth as a form of protection. Now, even in adulthood, that protective instinct kicks in — even when it’s no longer needed. These people aren’t just lying to others — they’re repeating old trauma patterns.
3. Control Feels Safer Than Vulnerability
To tell the truth is to surrender control. You can’t control how others will react to your honesty. But a lie? A lie feels safer — at least in the moment. It lets you control the narrative. But long-term? It almost always spirals.
⚖️ What It Costs – In Court and In Life
In legal settings, especially in systems like Spanish law, lying can carry grave consequences. Judges and prosecutors aren’t just looking at evidence — they’re watching for credibility.
- A lie can invalidate your entire testimony.
- It can lead to perjury charges, lost cases, or harsher sentences.
- It can harm others — especially in cases involving family, children, or abuse survivors.
In life, the cost is more emotional:
Lost relationships. Broken trust. A reputation that can’t be rebuilt. And worst of all, living in a version of reality that isn’t real — which blocks all hope of growth.
💔 When You’re the One Hurt By Their Lies
If you’ve been on the receiving end of someone else’s deception — especially someone close — you’re likely carrying a weight of disbelief, betrayal, and rage. You may even be retraumatized by their attempts to twist reality or paint you as the problem.
You are not imagining it. And you are not crazy.
Being lied to — especially in court, in therapy, or in family disputes — is a form of emotional violence.
It robs you of your voice, your clarity, and your right to be seen.
And yet — you don’t have to carry the lie any further. Your truth stands on its own. When others lie, they dig their own hole. You do not have to jump in after them.
🌱 When You’re the One Who Lied
Maybe you’re reading this and realizing… you’ve told your own share of lies. Maybe to avoid consequences. Maybe to protect someone. Maybe because you didn’t know how to face the truth.
But here’s the thing: it’s not too late.
You can stop lying. Today. Right now.
Not to fix everything — but to begin fixing yourself.
Apologizing. Owning it. Showing remorse. These things can shift how the world sees you — and more importantly, how you see yourself.
💬 Final Thought: The Truth Is Hard — But Not as Hard as Living a Lie
Whether in therapy, in court, or in the quiet corners of our minds, we all reach a crossroads:
Keep up the lie and slowly crumble inside it.
Or tell the truth and feel the pain — but also the possibility of healing.
The truth might cost you something.
But a lie?
It costs everything.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
