It’s incredibly rare for an abuser—especially one in their 70s—to change their behavior. Change requires deep self-awareness, genuine remorse, and active effort to unlearn toxic patterns, which most abusers simply do not possess. By the time someone reaches their 70s, their personality, habits, and coping mechanisms are deeply ingrained.

In many cases, older abusers become even more set in their ways, doubling down on manipulation, control, and emotional cruelty. They may soften their approach or change tactics, but the core abusive behaviors remain. If they were never held accountable or never sought true change earlier in life, it’s highly unlikely they’ll suddenly wake up and decide to be a better person.

Some abusers may act differently in new circumstances—perhaps becoming more dependent or playing the victim more—but that doesn’t mean they’ve changed. It just means they’ve adapted their methods to maintain control in a different way.

If someone has spent their whole life abusing others, the best course of action is usually to keep them at a distance. No amount of reasoning, patience, or love can change a person who doesn’t want to change. It sounds like you already know this deep down, and you’re seeing the truth for what it is. Stay strong in your boundaries—you’ve come too far to let toxic people drag you back in. 💛