What is Limerence?
Limerence is a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in 1979 to describe an intense emotional state of romantic obsession, often accompanied by a longing for reciprocation from the object of affection. While it may feel like love, limerence is typically marked by obsessive thinking, emotional dependency, and idealization of another person.
If you think you might be experiencing limerence, the following signs may provide clarity:
10 Obvious Signs of Limerence Symptoms
1. Attraction to Emotionally Unavailable People
Limerence often thrives in situations where reciprocation is uncertain. You may find yourself drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable or uninterested, as the uncertainty amplifies the intensity of your feelings.
2. One-Sided Crushes in Relationships
A hallmark of limerence is developing intense feelings for someone without their knowledge or interest. Your emotional investment can feel disproportionate to the actual relationship, which may remain largely superficial or non-existent.
3. An Avoidant Attachment Style
People with avoidant attachment styles may experience limerence as a substitute for deeper emotional connection. You might idealize someone from a distance to avoid the vulnerabilities of a real relationship.
4. Deep-Rooted Fears About Love and Romance
Underlying fears of rejection, abandonment, or intimacy can fuel limerence. The fantasy of an idealized person provides emotional safety compared to the risks of genuine relationships.
5. An Obsessive Quality to Your Character
Limerence is often linked to obsessive tendencies. If you find yourself replaying conversations, imagining scenarios, or constantly checking for interactions with the person, this could be a sign.
6. Difficulty Moving On
Even in the absence of reciprocation or after knowing a relationship is impossible, you may struggle to let go of your feelings. This emotional entrapment is a common feature of limerence.
7. Idealization of the Other Person
In limerence, the object of your affection is often idealized to the point of perfection. You may overlook their flaws or inflate their positive qualities, creating an unrealistic image of who they are.
8. Emotional Dependency
Your mood and self-worth may become tied to the attention or acknowledgment you receive from the person. A small interaction can leave you euphoric, while perceived rejection can cause extreme distress.
9. Intrusive Thoughts About the Person
Thoughts of the person may dominate your mind, interfering with your daily life. These intrusive thoughts are a defining symptom of limerence and can feel uncontrollable.
10. A Cycle of Highs and Lows
Limerence creates a rollercoaster of emotions. Moments of perceived connection can bring intense joy, while feelings of rejection or indifference can lead to despair.
How to Manage Limerence
If you suspect you’re experiencing limerence, recognizing it is the first step. Here are some strategies to help:
• Seek Professional Support: Therapy can help uncover the root causes of limerence and provide strategies to manage obsessive thoughts.
• Set Boundaries: If possible, reduce contact with the person to create emotional distance.
• Focus on Self-Growth: Develop hobbies, strengthen other relationships, and work on self-esteem to shift focus away from the object of limerence.
• Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques can help manage intrusive thoughts and bring your focus back to the present.
By addressing these patterns and learning healthier ways to connect, it’s possible to break free from the cycle of limerence and build more fulfilling relationships.
