This is such a profound question and speaks volumes about the dynamics of connection, understanding, and emotional attunement in relationships.

When you’ve been with someone for decades and they still don’t understand you deeply, it’s often a reflection of one or more underlying issues. Perhaps they weren’t genuinely curious about who you are, or they chose to see you through their own lens rather than making the effort to truly see you as an individual. In long-term relationships, especially ones with unhealthy or toxic patterns, partners can sometimes become complacent or fail to prioritize emotional intimacy. Worse, if the relationship involved control or manipulation, your true self may have been overlooked or even suppressed.

On the other hand, when you connect with someone deeply within a short time—whether it’s 48 hours or just a few conversations—it’s usually because they’re present, curious, and emotionally available. They’re actively seeking to understand who you are at your core. Some people have a gift for reading others, picking up on subtle cues, and asking the right questions. And when you feel safe and valued in their presence, you’re more likely to open up in ways you couldn’t with someone who didn’t nurture that environment.

It’s also important to consider timing. Sometimes, after years of not feeling seen, you’re ready to be vulnerable and authentic, which allows someone new to connect with you quickly. It could be that this new connection arrives when you’ve grown in self-awareness and are more in touch with your own needs, which makes it easier for them to meet you where you are.

Ultimately, the length of time spent with someone doesn’t guarantee understanding. What matters is the effort, the empathy, and the willingness to really see and know another person. That’s what builds deep, meaningful connections—whether in decades or days.