When a man abandons and completely ignores his own children—failing to acknowledge important occasions like birthdays or Christmas and providing no financial support—yet fully supports and goes all out for other people’s children, including paying for everything, it can be deeply hurtful and perplexing. This behavior involves several layers of emotional, psychological, and social factors.

1. Psychological Avoidance and Guilt

• Avoiding Responsibility and Guilt: For some men, acknowledging their own children—whether emotionally or financially—can trigger intense feelings of guilt or shame about their abandonment. By avoiding these responsibilities, they might be trying to protect themselves from these painful emotions. They might rationalize their neglect by distancing themselves from their own children emotionally and financially, convincing themselves that it’s too late to make amends or that their involvement would only cause more harm.
• Cognitive Dissonance: To reconcile the contradiction between abandoning their own children and providing for others, these men might engage in cognitive dissonance. This psychological mechanism allows them to justify their actions by creating narratives where their behavior makes sense to them, such as believing that they are “better off” focusing on the new family, or that their biological children are being taken care of elsewhere.

2. Relationship Dynamics and External Influences

• New Partner’s Influence: A significant factor could be the influence of a new partner. In some cases, the man might be heavily influenced by a partner who places a high value on financial support and involvement with her own children. The desire to please this new partner or solidify his position in the new family can lead him to prioritize these children over his own. This might include going above and beyond to pay for everything as a way to demonstrate commitment and love in the new relationship.
• New Family Dynamics: In blended families, there can be an implicit or explicit expectation that the man fully integrates into the new family, including taking on financial responsibilities. This might be seen as a way to prove his loyalty or to establish his role as the provider in the new household, often at the expense of his obligations to his biological children.

3. Social and Cultural Pressures

• Social Validation: Men who financially support other children while ignoring their own might be seeking validation or approval from their social circle. The visible act of providing for others’ children can be seen as admirable, and these men might be trying to maintain a positive public image or status within their community or social group. Unfortunately, this can lead to the neglect of their biological children, whose needs are less visible to the outside world.
• Cultural Norms: In some cultures, there is a strong expectation for men to take on the role of provider, especially in a new marriage or relationship. This cultural pressure can sometimes lead them to over-invest in the new family while neglecting previous commitments. The cultural emphasis on the male provider role can override their sense of duty to their biological children, especially if those children are seen as part of a “past life.”

4. Avoidance of Conflict and Complexity

• Avoiding Complex Situations: The man might perceive his relationship with his biological children as too complicated or strained, possibly due to past conflicts, legal battles, or a difficult relationship with the children’s mother. Financial support and emotional involvement require engagement, which could bring up unresolved issues or conflicts. In contrast, the new relationship might feel simpler and more straightforward, leading him to invest more in it.
• Easier Emotional Investment: Financial support for other people’s children might feel easier and less emotionally loaded than supporting his own. With his biological children, financial support is tied to an emotional bond and the responsibilities of fatherhood. With other people’s children, especially in a new relationship, financial support might be seen as a less complicated, more transactional way to show care and gain acceptance.

5. Impact on the Biological Children

• Deep Emotional Wounds: The abandoned children often suffer profound emotional wounds. The lack of acknowledgment, especially during significant occasions like birthdays and Christmas, can lead to feelings of rejection, abandonment, and unworthiness. The knowledge that their father is financially supporting other children while ignoring them can exacerbate these feelings, leading to long-term issues with self-esteem, trust, and relationships.
• Financial Hardship: The absence of financial support can also have practical, devastating consequences. These children might struggle with basic needs, and the financial strain can place additional stress on the remaining parent or guardian. This can create a cycle of deprivation, where the emotional and financial neglect impacts their opportunities, education, and overall well-being.
• Resentment and Anger: As these children grow older, they might develop deep-seated resentment and anger towards their father. This can manifest in various ways, from behavioral issues to struggles in forming healthy relationships. The sense of betrayal can be profound, particularly when they see their father providing generously for other children while ignoring their own needs.

6. The Role of Legal and Social Systems

• Legal Avoidance: Some men might actively avoid legal obligations like child support payments, seeing financial neglect as a way to distance themselves further from their past responsibilities. They might justify their actions by believing that since they are no longer involved in their children’s lives, they are not obligated to provide financially.
• Lack of Enforcement: In some cases, weak enforcement of child support laws or the mother’s reluctance to pursue legal action might allow these men to neglect their financial responsibilities without facing significant consequences. This legal loophole can perpetuate the cycle of abandonment.

Conclusion

The behavior of men who abandon and completely ignore their own children while going all out for others is deeply damaging, both emotionally and practically, for the abandoned children. This behavior often stems from a mix of psychological avoidance, relationship dynamics, social pressures, and personal insecurities. Unfortunately, these men might not fully comprehend—or might actively avoid facing—the severe impact their actions have on their biological children.

Addressing this issue requires a multi-faceted approach. For the man, therapy or counseling could help uncover the underlying causes of his behavior and encourage him to take responsibility for his actions. Legal enforcement of child support and parental responsibilities might also be necessary to ensure that these men fulfill their obligations.

For the children, emotional support from family members, mentors, and therapists can be crucial in helping them navigate the complex emotions of abandonment and financial neglect. Advocating for their rights—both emotionally and legally—can also help mitigate the long-term effects of their father’s abandonment.

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