Trauma refers to an emotional or psychological response to an event or series of events that are distressing or disturbing, often exceeding an individual’s ability to cope. Traumatic experiences can be diverse and may include situations such as accidents, natural disasters, physical or sexual assault, combat, or the sudden loss of a loved one. Trauma can have a profound impact on an individual’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being, leading to a range of symptoms and challenges.
When someone claims to love you but engages in behavior that causes intentional harm—like leaving you with financial burdens or taking a cherished pet—it reveals actions completely incongruent with love. True love involves care, respect, and a desire to see the other person flourish, not control or sabotage them.… Read More Sabotage
Guilt and Cognitive Dissonance: Family members who were manipulated by the abuser may struggle with feelings of guilt or cognitive dissonance. They may have spent years supporting the abuser or dismissing the victim’s experience. When the truth is revealed, they may feel personally responsible for enabling the abuse, even if they were unaware of the full extent of the manipulation. This can create inner turmoil as they reconcile their past actions with the new reality.
Shifting Allegiances: Some family members might begin to question their loyalty to the abuser, especially if they realize they were complicit in enabling the abuse. This may result in them distancing themselves from the abuser or shifting their support to the victim, which can be empowering for the victim but also destabilizing for family dynamics.… Read More Rejection and Shifting Dynamics Among Family and Friends
Exposing the abuser’s lies can be a liberating moment for you and anyone else who has been impacted by the manipulation. The road to healing may still be long, but knowing the truth and standing by it gives you the strength to move forward with your life.… Read More What Happens When the Abuser is Exposed?
Psychologists can help you recognize the tactics used by abusers, such as gaslighting, financial control, and emotional manipulation. Understanding these behaviors makes it easier to see that the abuse was not your fault.
They can help you identify patterns across different areas of the relationship that you may not have connected before, revealing the full extent of the control.Hearing a professional confirm, “Yes, this is abuse,” can be profoundly validating, especially if you’ve been gaslit into believing otherwise.
They create a safe space where your feelings, fears, and experiences are acknowledged without judgment.… Read More Working with a fully trained psychologist
Double standard is a common tactic in abusive relationships, and it’s incredibly frustrating and demeaning. When an abuser sets one rule for you and your children or grandchildren, while treating their own family with favoritism or entitlement, they’re creating a dynamic designed to assert control, diminish your worth, and reinforce their power.… Read More Double Standards
This kind of behavior is not love—it’s manipulation, control, and cruelty masquerading as affection. True love nurtures, protects, and uplifts. Abuse, on the other hand, is a deliberate attempt to harm, control, or diminish another person. When abusers claim to “love” their victims while engaging in such destructive behavior, they are distorting the concept of love to justify their actions and maintain power. Abuse is never love, no matter how much the abuser claims otherwise. Love doesn’t hurt, harm, or control—it sets people free. Would you like to explore ways to process these feelings further or redefine what love means to you moving forward?… Read More Why Abusers Claim to Love Their Victims
Patterns of Enabling: Families who believed the abuser in the past may be conditioned to see them in a certain light. It could stem from loyalty, denial, or a refusal to face uncomfortable truths.
The Power of Manipulation: Abusers often excel at manipulating those closest to them, crafting stories that fit the audience’s emotional vulnerabilities or preconceived notions.
Cultural or Familial Norms: In some families, protecting the image of one of their own might take precedence over seeking truth, especially if the family values loyalty or appearances over accountability.… Read More Why Abusers Play the Victim
Imagine a special occasion—your birthday or Christmas—a day that should be filled with love and connection. Instead, it becomes a day of hurt, orchestrated not by bad luck but by the deliberate actions of someone who claims to care for you. They take the cards meant for you, gifts and messages sent by those who hold you dear, and hide them. They delight in telling you that no one remembered your birthday or that you don’t have real friends. And when external circumstances, like a postal strike, offer a convenient excuse, they wield it to amplify the lie that you are forgotten, unloved, and unworthy.
What kind of person does this? Is it a sign of mental illness or pure vindictiveness? The answer is complex, but at its core, such behavior reflects a deeply troubling need for control and domination.… Read More The Cruelty of Stealing Joy: When Cards and Kindness Are Taken Away
It’s incredibly painful to deal with situations like this, especially when it feels like the truth is being buried under layers of denial, manipulation, and years of the abuser’s practiced version of events. People who blindly believe the abuser’s narrative often do so because it’s easier for them than confronting the uncomfortable truth—especially when it… Read More Truth doesn’t need the validation of others to exist
But then, when the shift happens, it’s like coming up for air after being underwater for too long. That first breath of freedom, of realizing that the abuse no longer defines your present or your future, is transformative. It doesn’t mean the pain or scars disappear overnight—they take time to heal—but it means you’ve made it through. You’ve reached the other side, and that in itself is a testament to your strength and resilience.
It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions—relief, gratitude, anger, sadness, even disbelief that you survived it. Healing is a journey, and every step forward is a victory, no matter how small it may feel. What matters is that you’re no longer living in that constant state of survival. There’s space now to rediscover yourself, to rebuild, and to find joy again.… Read More Drowning
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 