Abusers often use empty promises to manipulate and prolong the cycle of control. They may promise to change, express remorse, or offer fleeting moments of kindness, only to revert to harmful behaviors. Recognizing these as tactics of manipulation, rather than signs of true change, is vital.… Read More Domestic violence, coercive control, and financial abuse
If this behavior becomes abusive, or if the person’s jealousy leads to extreme controlling behavior or isolation from your loved ones, it may be necessary to evaluate the relationship more seriously. Sometimes, even with the best intentions, people who engage in this kind of manipulation may not be ready or willing to change, and their behavior could be detrimental to your mental health.… Read More Jealousy
Financial abuse in particular is insidious because it often isolates victims, making it harder for them to leave abusive situations. If someone is hiding important documents, withholding money, or controlling all financial decisions, it limits the victim’s options and can create a sense of powerlessness. This can manifest in actions like hiding paychecks, opening credit cards in the victim’s name, or restricting access to financial information, all of which are meant to trap the person in the relationship.… Read More Calculated and Orchestrated form of abuse
The worst part is, when they make it all about themselves, it can leave you questioning your own reality. You might even start doubting yourself—”Was it really that bad? Should I have stayed quiet?”—which is exactly what abusers and their enablers want. They don’t want to confront the truth because it’s easier for them to vilify the victim than to acknowledge the deep dysfunction and harm.… Read More Dismissed or ignored
I think it speaks to the resilience of honesty and integrity. When you stand by what is real and authentic, there’s a power in that, even if it doesn’t always seem obvious right away. And sometimes, despite the chaos, things fall into place just as they’re meant to, as if to remind us that justice—whether it’s cosmic, moral, or simply the result of people seeing the truth for themselves—has a way of winning out in the end.… Read More Honesty and Integrity
The Body Remembers: Trauma experts often say that “the body keeps the score.” This means that, for survivors of physical abuse, their body holds onto the pain, even if the mind tries to suppress or forget the memories. Every blow, every push, every bruise can act as a visceral reminder of past abuse, reigniting feelings of fear, helplessness, or shame. For someone who has been abused multiple times, each instance compounds the trauma, making it harder to separate the pain of the present from the past.… Read More The Cycle of Abuse: Trauma That Never Really Ends
Escalation of Danger: The fact that the abuser is comfortable even talking about the potential lethality of their actions suggests a terrifying comfort with extreme violence. They have already crossed a significant line by strangling their victim and are now trying to assert that they can do worse. This is a major red flag, as it indicates the abuser sees themselves as having ultimate power over the victim’s life, and the situation can easily escalate to a point of no return.
Psychological Terror: Statements like this are designed to erode the victim’s sense of security and create an atmosphere of terror. Even if the abuser isn’t physically harming the victim in that moment, the psychological impact of such a statement can be devastating. The victim is left wondering when or if the abuser will “follow through” on the implied threat. This kind of psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical violence, as it keeps the victim trapped in a state of constant fear and uncertainty.… Read More Escalation of Danger
Studies have shown that victims who experience non-fatal strangulation are up to 7.5 times more likely to be killed by their abuser later on compared to those who haven’t been strangled. This form of abuse demonstrates a willingness by the abuser to cause significant harm or even death. Strangulation is often an escalation in the cycle of violence, signaling that the abuser is moving into more severe, life-threatening behaviors. Many domestic violence homicides have strangulation in their history, making it one of the most telling red flags in predicting future violence.… Read More Strangulation
The moment physical violence, especially something as serious as strangulation, enters the picture, it’s a clear indicator that the abuser is capable of lethal harm. Strangulation is one of the most dangerous signs of domestic violence — studies show that victims of strangulation are at a much higher risk of being killed by their abuser later on.… Read More Lethal Harm
It’s a hard but powerful truth: we are not obligated to help those who hurt us, especially when it compromises our own healing or sense of self.… Read More Abuse erodes trust
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 